When The Kids Start School I’ll Get So Much Done

‘When the kids all start school, it’s going to be so good, you’ll have so much time on your hands. You’re going to be able to accomplish so much’, they said.

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All that freedom I thought, I’ll be able to finally get rid of the clutter in my house, redecorate, make it lovely. I started.

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Make delicious home cooked meals, make my own bread, kombucha, kimchi, cakes, my own butter. I did for a while.

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Really get into my online subscription box business, all that time to pack boxes during the day. I did for a bit.

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I’d start a fitness routine every or join a gym. Yeah I didn’t do that bit.😂

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I’ll go to the cinema on my own every week. I’ve been a few times.

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I’ll finally be able to run all my workshops I’ve been planning from my newly spruced up home. See above (it’s not been done)

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I’ll become the most organised efficient person, I’ll have a cleaning schedule, a laundry plan, maybe I’ll start ironing again. I don’t even need to say this bit do I?

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However, It turns out that after 17 years of always having small people at home with me I have no idea how to manage the empty space. I’m lonely and slightly grieving those times.

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I started off ok in September, starting lots of things, I found a day friend, I prepared big meals, I started the jobs, the festive season came along with lots to do. But then back to the space

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But what noone tells you is after having constant companionship every day that when that is gone you have to face yourself, deal with things you pushed aside, deal with the loneliness of sometimes going the whole day with no other human contact. It’s a lot like when you first have a baby, you realise there is a lot of quiet time to fill. This time you don’t even get the little squish to snuggle with.

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I’ve not heard people mention what happens in this bit. Needed still but differently. Still many logistics to handle.

Overwhelming feelings about all the things I could do followed by the realisations that maybe I actually don’t want to/don’t have to do them. Suddenly I have too many new choices.

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I will get used to it, I know I’ve much to be grateful for but I needed to acknowledge these unexpected feelings today.❤