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Could i please have a ppp x
For as long as I can remember I’ve always gone through quiet dark periods of depression, to the point I isolated myself and no longer have any friends.
I have 2 children who I love more than anything, they keep me going. I used to self harm before I had my first daughter, she literally changed my life. I used to cut, overdosed a few time landing myself in hospital, this was from the age of around 12 til falling pregnant at 16.
As I’ve mentioned I have bouts of depression that can last weeks at a time and I get very anxious over silly things. I struggle to make phone calls which has in the past caused me financial issues, as a “simple phone call” could have prevented further actions etc. However when I’m feeling down it’s not just a simple phone call I get butterflies, get clammy, rehearse the conversation a million times and continue to put it off until it’s too late.
Although I’ve stopped the self harm I have developed what some may call a bad habit, I’m not sure whether there’s a medical term for this or if anyone else has this problem, but when I feel anxious I literally sit for hours picking at my skin. Sometimes there’s no mark there I literally pick until there’s something there to continue to pick, it’s the only thing that seems to temporarily ease the anxiety.
I visited the doctors aged 14 and wrote my feelings down as I knew I’d freeze and wouldn’t know what to say, I felt almost dismissed. Not much was said he recommended a free charity I could get in touch with but this just knocked me back.
I got admitted to hospital aged 15 after overdosing, and referred to mental health services for children, had a few therapy sessions then let go.
Fast forward 7 years I have never since been able to face talking to doctors or anybody about the issues because I’m so scared that they will palm me off again and make me feel stupid.. the only problem is I have horrible scarring on my arms, legs, tummy and it’s getting me so down but I just can’t stop this urge.
Has anybody else suffered this?
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