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Hi can I have a private post please. I’m in need of some advise please no bashing I already feel so down about the situation as it is & I really don’t know what to do.
I’ve been with my partner for 4 years now & I’m absolutely head over heels in love with him. From the start I have always said I want to get married & have children. Before we met he was married and has a child with his ex. They split because she was taking drugs & was physically & emotionally aggressive and violent towards him. She has always been a rubbish Mum to their son and is always letting him down. So i hace always tried my best to be a good step mum to him as I know what it’s like to have a bad mother. She now has 2 other boys to different men. She got reported to social services & she told my partner it was me that reported her & he believed her & we came to blows over it. We have gotten past that now. My first problem is I feel he still has feelings for her even though we went through all that social services stuff where it was proven it wasnt me. It seems she gets herself into situations & calls him asking for help which he then gives her. This does upset me at times as these situations don’t always included their son & I feel it’s unfair of her to be asking my partner for help when it doesn’t have anything to do with their son. It feels like she does it on purpose as she is constantly telling their son that she wants him back & my partner does always seem to go running with help. He never seems to say no although he would disagree with me. He ensures me he despises her & is only helping because he just wants to be a good person. Anyway we have decided we are going to start trying for baby this year which we are all very excited about. We were having a conversation with other day & marriage got brought up. Problem no2 he told me he’s never getting married again because he’s never believed in it & will not be forced into something which he doesn’t believe in again and if I don’t like it I can leave. He didn’t even heard me out. Later on I told him how important marriage was to me & that he’s always known I’ve wanted kids & marriage. He said to me that its just how he feels & he doesn’t know if those feelings will change. He even said hes happy for us to go a head & have a baby knowing that I will want to get married in the future & he might well say no & we might well split up. I understand that he’s been through a really horrible experience & I would never make him do anything he didn’t want to do but I dont feel he’s being fair he’s giving me hope in one sense but not in another by saying I dont ever want to get married but those feelings might change. I do find it unfair that he walked down the aisle to his ex when he didn’t believe in it & knowing what a horrible person she was but yet he knows how much I love him & how good I’ve been to him & his son but says he won’t marry me in the future. I guess I just want some advise on what I should do. I don’t think my feelings on getting married will change & I don’t think it’s fair of him to ask me to give up on something that’s important to me that I’ve never had & naturally I won’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to. I love him very much & I don’t want us to split up but I don’t feel this is going to work either.
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