I Lost My Baby Now I Give My Hair


I was over the moon to find out I was pregnant with my first baby at the age of 17, scared,nervous but excited.

I started buying clothes and bits and bobs early on in the pregnancy, I’d lie in bed singing away, thinking of how exciting the future was going to be.

I had my first scan and everything was going well.  My bump started growing, I  loved showing it off to my family and friends. It came to my 20 week scan to find out I was having a healthy baby boy😍💙 he was growing fine, everything was good, and his name was going to be Kayden💙 it all started to become more real, then 23 weeks and 5 days pregnant, I woke with pains,not thinking much of it, I carried on day to day basic tasks and my normal routine, and the pains had become stronger by half 10 in the morning, I was reassured that it was just Braxton hicks.

I went to my bedroom to have 5 minutes sit down as the pains were getting unbearable, my gut feelings was that I was in labour so I shouted to my Auntie, she got straight on the phone to the hospital, the operator asked several questions, if my waters had gone? was there any blood loss? lack of movement? and all the answers were no, so they  told me to go up to the hospital to be checked over… 

I literally couldn’t move off my bed I was in that much pain, I had to be helped downstairs, when I got to the bottom of the stairs I  collapsed. My Auntie had rung the ambulance and whilst on the phone to them, my waters went. I couldn’t stop crying with pain and fear.

What was happening and why was it happening, why me ?

The ambulance had arrived, confirmed that my waters had gone, confirmed I had blood loss, they rushed me up and by the time I had got there, the pains had eased off. So the nurses checked for a heartbeat and he was still there💙 within 10 minutes of checking me over, everything started again and the sudden urge  to push was to much, I couldn’t stop, he came out feet first, and they took him away to a machine, I looked to my mum and asked why isn’t he crying?, is he okay?, and then they came over with the dreaded news..

‘I’m sorry there is nothing we can do’

All I remember is screaming and crying hysterically, 

I don’t know why it happened and that’s something that I will never get answers for, but SANDS Charity gave me something to remember him by, they had given me a forget me not box, which had his blanket in,teddy bear, birth certificate, hospital bands, they were so lovely it honestly helped me get through it.

I Think of my baby all the time and this little gift box gives me so much comfort and now nearly 5 years on, I am ready to give something back, I want to raise as much money as possible for a charity for stillborn babies and neonatal deaths by shaving my hair off on the 30th November 2017 which marks Kaydens 5th birthday

I’m going to give back, I’m going to ease others sufferering, i want to help others

If you are able to give any donations, no matter how small it will be  appreciated




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