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Thank you.
I was wondering if some people could give me some advice. I would really appreciate it if you could all refrain from any abuse as this is a difficult subject for me and I’m still trying to sift through my emotions on it all. I do, however, welcome constructive advice.
So, 4 years ago my dad passed away. I’ve always been a daddy’s girl. I never went through a proper grieving process because I was trying to stay strong for my children and now I’m unable to talk about him because it hurts so much, like fresh grief.
My mum is/was a flirtatious woman and had an affair while he was still alive. He forgave her and things carried on as normal for my family. My dad was ill for many years and towards the end of is life someone came into it and it upset my dad, to the point where he rang me in tears saying he suspected something was going on. This person turned up at their house with flowers and such and has had previous ties with my family. It turns out he was right. Not long after he had passed away, my mum vacationed with this guy (a matter of weeks), in a matter of months they lived together but continued to lie and say that they were just friends. It took a long time for me to come to terms with their relationship after they came out and said it had just developed. I made peace with it – after all, I never expected her to stay single for the rest of her life. Fast forward a couple of years and they got engaged. Now this I couldn’t accept, and I still can’t. I’ve been brought up my entire life on the story of how my mum didn’t want to marry my dad, how she did it to appease him, etc. So I feel it’s a huge blow for her to be suddenly broadcasting how happy she is and how she can’t wait to get married. I should note that my dad absolutely doted on her, forgave the affair, never raised his hand to her, and even went looking for the man she cheated with for her because he was threatening to kill himself after mum mum said she wouldn’t run away with him (they had it planned and she was going to leave me and my siblings for him).
Now my issue is this – I’m obviously expected to attend this wedding, along with my children but I honestly can’t face it. I don’t mean to sound selfish but I can’t make peace with this. I’ve always maintained that if I thought for one minute that my dad is looking down and smiling on this union, then I would accept it. But I don’t. My mum is not an approachable person. If you don’t do what she expects or wants, then she will turn others against you and go for the sympathy vote. My history with her is a long one and I’ve got to be careful what I write as I have some friends on here that might go running to her if they figure out its me.
If this was you, what would you do? Has anyone got any advice for me? I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m happy for her on the one hand, and him, but separately, if that makes sense?
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