Can I have a ppp? I am really upset and can’t take this any longer. I have pnd s…

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Can I have a ppp?
I am really upset and can’t take this any longer.
I have pnd since the birth of my son and then a death in the family. I’m suffering from really bad anxiety and panic attacks, and ice had to take time off work to try get them under control/better. Having been off 3 weeks, my oh hasn’t asked me what is wrong or how i felt, so I could have a flu for all he knows. Although he briefly knows I have pnd, but usual guy knows nothing about it.
Anyway, today we decided to go for a family lunch and walk round the park.
So I got my son ready with the usual tantrums, kicks to the face, hair pulled (he hates getting changed) and this behaviour is what puts me into a panic attack. I know he’s only frustrated as he hates getting changed but it’s so hard to manage.. Anyway, my oh took him to the car while I got his bag, and I sat down to deep breath to try and stop my panic. I got in the car and about 10mins into driving I could feel me starting to return to normal. So I said to my partner “I can’t handle this”
And instead of being supportive; he was defensive like can’t handle What, u in 1 of your moods again.. So this kickstarted my panic attack and we began to argue. I was only trying to speak to him, get it off my chest and he totally took it the wrong way. So he pulled over to a supermarket carpark my son was asleep so I went out to have a cigarette and because I was balling my eyes crying I sat down to “hide” from people passing by. He started moving the car back and forth saying he was just straightening up, and nearly went over my foot so i got up and stormed away, by this point my anxiety was through the roof. I walked 3miles crying my heart out and he drove off. He came back half an hour later after a supermarket worker sat me down in the employee room to calm me down.
He just doesn’t understand me, he is now saying I’m not well be cause I’m not at work, which isn’t the case. We’ve been together almost 10 years and all this time and he still doesn’t know how to support me. I have been there for him loads of times doing everything I can when he had a life saving operation. I just feel like he’s bringing me down. I feel so intimidated by the state I walked the street like. I’m 26 with wrinkles and grey hair. I’m so low right now I could explode x
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