As a child I was sexually abused and I was silenced. When I turned 21 it all came out and that was only because my mum had found out the person who had abused me and my younger sister had been convicted and spent time in jail for the crime. My mum was so angry as there was nothing she could do as he died in 1984… my mum blamed herself and suffered from depression she was really in a bad place and many times tried to take her own life
I felt powerless all I wanted was for my mum to get better watching her suffer like she did was heart breaking .
I never once blamed my mum for the abuse and for me I just put it to the back of my mind . Then in 1991 I gave birth to my daughter that’s when I started to realise I needed help I wouldn’t let any one near her in fear that she would be hurt. I didn’t want any monsters near her. I had to protect her from what I had gone through, I did.
Her father then started drinking heavy and hitting me I was so scared but also defended myself I tried so many times to escape the physical abuse he was putting me thru finally I escaped from him. I remember like it was yesterday how he begged me for another chance I was strong and told him no it was very hard for me as I had never been on my own before.
A few years later I met Scott who is now my husband we have three children together and are very happy. Then in 2010 everything changed . Two thugs who lived on the same Street committed murder right across the road from where I live. They tried to snatch my daughter who was 4 almost 5 out of my arms and threatened to kill my whole family if Scott didn’t drive them away from the scene.
As wrong as it was Scott did drive them away. I phoned the police straight away and told them what had happened it was so bloody scary. Later than night Scott was arrested for assisting an offender… after 2 days of him being locked up he was released without charge. Many people came forward to give evidence.
The following year I was losing weight I was only 7 stones at my heaviest and everything came flooding back to me from my childhood to the domestic violence I suffered. I was paranoid someone was going to hurt me or my babies . Doctors put me on anti depressants to help me make it through each day.
The following year we had to give evidence over the murder and for once in my life I felt strong. That same year I fell pregnant. I was 42 at the time and OK 42 and pregnant but I was so happy I was going to be a new mum again. Again my thoughts all came back about my childhood I wouldn’t leave my precious baby alone.
I finally decided it was unhealthy and I got counselling. I am free from all my demons now… then one day last year I was browsing Facebook and came across paedophile hunters I wanted to help and become a decoy.
Why did I want to become a decoy the answer is simple for me I didn’t want any child to suffer at the hands of a paedophile . Being a decoy is the hardest thing I have done…. no one really believes you when you say you get dick pics and that’s just the 1st message then u say to them your age that doesn’t stop them.
The amount of times you mention your age is un true. One of the groomers wanted to get close to my mum so he could see me. Being a decoy is helping save a real child … when I am decoying I feel raged and angry at the same time hoping and praying that the predator isn’t talking to a real child .
The predators are very demanding and controlling. Some are slow groomers then you get the ones who want to talk about sex want nudes want you to do video calling it’s never-ending . I think please if there is a God up they’d please don’t let this groomer have a real child.
So after weeks of them grooming you .. you then get a sting… they are arrested but it doesn’t end there for either the Hunter or decoy they have to submit their evidence and hope the paedophile pleads guilty… it still doesn’t stop there it’s on your mind 24/7 .
Sometimes the justice system fails sometimes they get what they deserve. It’s still not the end of it there as you know there are still more to be caught …. you can not judge what a paedophile looks like they come in all shapes sizes and creed and colour … just remember one thing if you talk to underage children we will find we will expose you for what you are…..
I have had my bad days where I wanna cry as I think please please don’t let there be a real child involved I am more alert now even though I am a survivor myself I look at people differently and I will always do my dammed hardest to carry on protecting all the children . I am here to protect children nothing will stop me. #forthechildren #kks
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