Can I have a private post please? It’s a bit of a long one but I am hoping there…
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Can I have a private post please? It’s a bit of a long one but I am hoping there are some women who feel the same who can give me some advice. I’m 23 years old and my husband is 11 years older than me. We have a 1 year old together and I am currently 20 weeks pregnant. We lost a baby in January due to chromosome disorder, we have had a tough ride together due to our families being so challenging and trying to be controlling. I am English and he is eastern European which makes our cultures clash a lot with things. I have always looked after myself, since leaving foster care at 16 I’ve been independent and may have chosen the wrong path at the start. But now I’m settled and thought I was happy. The problem is my husband doesn’t understand my depression. Keeps telling me he can’t cope with my mood swings and that I over react. But the things he says sticks in my mind for days on end. Making myself believe I’m not good enough. Because his way of parenting is the right way, because his way of wanting to live for the future is right because I’m too young too understand about mortgages and stuff, which I’m not I do know about, I’ve just finished a 3 year apprenticeship and qualified but due to being pregnant and having a young one it’s hard for me to find a job. All I hear is I go to work, come home and clean, my dinner isn’t ready, you don’t go out and do anything on your own, you can’t teach your kids That, our kids will feel depressed because of you showing them that. Which I do not. I often pick myself away and cry my eyes out alone because I have no friends or family support. He is supposed to be my support. But I don’t feel I can go to him. I guess I’m asking if it’s worth it, maybe I can just get by on my own with my kids and not need anyone. Or will my kids be better of without me if I am going to ‘pasa on my depression’ don’t know what to think. Having a really hard lonely time at the moment and self destruct seems the only way forward. Give him our children and I just leave. Although he dies say he loves me all the time. Either I’m twisted and can’t get anything right or I should just be alone. Any advice would be appreciated if anyone can make sense of this. Thanks xx
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