Can I have a private post please x This is a bit of a long one so bare with me, …

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Can I have a private post please x
This is a bit of a long one so bare with me, I really need some help and advice ladies, I’m so torn:(
Basically me and my partner have been together for over 2 years and have a 5 month old baby boy!, after a year of being together I found out he had messaged a few different girls inappropriately and confronted him about it as I was so angry, he promised he wouldn’t again so we moved on, then I found messages to some girl (that I knew he had been meeting, texting, but he said they were friends so I tried to believe it), we had a massive argument it took me a while but We moved on but I’ve never forgotten, so when I first fell pregnant a few months later he told me he didn’t want it but obviously I did so offered him an out there and then but he stayed and obviously loves him now!, I’ve always paid for everything, I found us our flat and paid deposit, most of the furniture, all of our sons bits he’s spent probably about 40 on his stuff when I was pregnant!, we have now had our son and from the night I had her (I
had a c section) he slept through the night because he was ‘tired’ I had to ask midwives to pass me him so I could stop hom crying, he’s never done a night feed, changed about 8 nappies, fed him a few times if I ask, changed her clothes twice, never bathed him, he doesn’t help out at all, even though he claims he does, never does house work, but he says because he works we are even and I can sleep in the day (I don’t and can’t!), you can deny he loves him lots and is great at fun stuff but not things he needs, he literally has no patience with him he will tell him to shut up if he cry’s or shut the fuck up!, I’ve told him loads that he can’t talk to him like that, I found out about this girl that more happened than what I had been told he fully denied them I don’t 100% believe him but bits I was told didn’t match up so I don’t know the truth for sure, anyway we stayed together and he’s also spoken to his ex, even now he’s still so shitty with me, he’s shitty with our little boy doesn’t help, even now for Christmas I’ve got him lovely dad bits and really thought about it all and he hasn’t even got me a card from our son for my first Christmas as a mum, and asked me last night what I wanted so he could order tonight (it’s not about gifts but still!), I know he works really hard and I appreciate that but I’m so stressed out, I recently found out I have miscarried, I suffer bad anxiety and he gave me a hug when we found out and that was it, I think Christmas will be breaking point for me as to whether I can keep doing this, but would I be a bitch for walking away after everything, I’d love my little boy to grow up with us together but equally I don’t want him growing up seeing this, being spoken to like that either I love him so much and want to stay with him but I can’t feel like this forever can I?
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