Can I have a private post please? Been back and forth about whether to write on…
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Can I have a private post please?
Been back and forth about whether to write on here or not as I’m not entirely sure what I’m asking for… I can imagine this being quite a long post but I’ll try to give as much information in as little words as I can…
Last year I got into a relationship with someone who was a real good friend of mine for 6year prior. I’ve never had a bad word to say about him. After I few months of being together things changed massively behind closed doors. He wasn’t the person I always knew, he was extremely paranoid, jealous and controlling to the point of me not being able to arrange the weekends with my sons father and him not wanting me to speak to my sister or friends about things. We went to a festival together and he snuck off, took pills and done a runner, leaving me miles from home on my own not knowing where the hell he had gone until the next day. We went to a wedding where I didn’t know anyone, being the person I am, I made friends with two other women, of course he didn’t like that as I shouldn’t be with them I should be with him, long story short, he ended up knocking me clean out in the car park of this wedding, again, he done a runner and left me.
We clearly ended things there and then. To then protect himself he went and told everyone he could that the fight happened because I was drunk and attacked him so he ‘pushed’ me in self defence. The state of my face said otherwise.
Anyway, over the next 8 months, don’t ask me why, but we very slowly started talking again as friends, it was a very slow process until one weekend we stupidly slept together again! We agreed not let that happen again. Turns out, I got pregnant!! I’ve plummeted into pre natal depression and everyday I’m suffering with my emotions and this pregnancy. I have no idea what to do, or how to get away from the way I feel. I’ve been ready for another child for years, my son cried because he’s lonely when he plays by himself. He’s desperate for a sibling. But I can’t shake the feeling that this is a bad idea. I’m extremely maternal so these feelings are alien to me. The only reason I sit there in tears not wanting this is because of him. Otherwise I’d be fine with it. But the depression has made me extremely emotionally disconnected to the baby and I literally have no idea what to do!! It pains me to say it, as it’s so out of my character, but yes I’ve considered aborting. But I know that further down the line, aborting would destroy me. Please help 😭
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