Can I have a private post please? I feel so stupid & embarrassed. I’ve always b…

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Can I have a private post please?

I feel so stupid & embarrassed. I’ve always been a slim girl. I had my baby in April last year and ever since having him I’ve been non stop loosing weight: I noticed it February when I went on a night out. Nothing fit me, majority of my clothes was baggy and ever since it’s got worse. I’ve been to the doctors a few times and been on a eating plan (doctors have been saying I’m eating more than enough) and they’ve taken bloods which have come back normal but because each time I’ve went, I’ve lost weight they referred me to the hospital where I had a Gastroscopy (camera down my throat) the scan showed everything was normal so they took 4 biopsy. It’s been 5 weeks and I’m still waiting for the results. I rang the hospital who said all they can tell me so far is that I’ve been referred back to my GP which surely means nothing is serious but I’m still loosing weight. I don’t even want to leave the house or want to see anyone. Every time I see someone they say i look ill and I’m skinny. I’m self conscious. I’m drained. I want to get better but I’m telling myself all the time to starve myself. So I’ve been doing exactly that. I want to gain weight so bad but I feel that I need to be really ill to get the help I need. I know it’s selfish but I can’t help it & I can’t sleep at night because all I think about is starving myself. I have a little 15 month old who keeps me on my toes so I don’t really think about eating. I can’t speak to my partner either. Every time I told him how I felt right up until the camera, he says I’m not a doctor etc etc.

I don’t know what I want from this. I just have no one to talk to and feel stupid going to the doctor!
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