Could I have a private post please Desperately in need of some advice, my teena…

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Could I have a private post please

Desperately in need of some advice, my teenage son – going on 17, lives with his dad since moving out of my house a few years back. He absolutely hates my husband, his step dad, mostly because my husband has different parenting methods to me and is quite a bit stricter, my son will not respect this or him and he has turned his anger on my husband these last 6 months, he believes my husband should butt out and have nothing to do with him, he thinks he shouldn’t have any right to tell him what to do or how to behave even in our house and has basically told me if I don’t change my husband, the way he speaks, acts etc He will never come to my house again. I told my son that in this house he cannot expect my husband to not say anything to him if he is misbehaving, especially when he has melt downs in front of our toddler, swears calls me a c@@@ and breaks things, I cannot shut my partner up in his own house ! I feel like I am trapped in the middle of this situation and have no idea what to do, I’m losing my son permanently and it feels like the only way to fix it is to lose my partner, I have a 2 yr old and a baby on the way with my husband, so I also have to think about my other children. My son has had behavioural issues for quite a few years, he hasn’t been an easy teenager at all and my partner does have a tendency to not trust him very much, especially around the baby as he can swear and kick off at the drop of a hat, my husband can be very strict it’s how he was raised and how he believes a parent should be and is constantly trying to lay down the law with him when he is misbehaving, my son will not have any of it and it’s making the situation worse, after a few years I’ve realised that no amount of talking is going to change my partners personality, or the way he parents, he is stubborn and cannot leave the parenting to me, however a lot of this is him being protective of me and the baby. Lately after everything that’s happened, I think my hubby has had enough, he doesn’t say it to me but my husband sometimes comes across as quite abrupt with my son, moody, offish as if he is holding a grudge for everything, he won’t admit it and keeps plodding on trying his best but I think after all the stuff my son has put us through my husband doesn’t trust him in the house at all and I don’t even know at this point whether I can even blame my husband for that, I resent it because of the atmosphere but because my son has caused a huge amount of arguments and bad feeling have I the right to demand my partner is always nice to him? Either way my partner even being quiet or offish makes my son kick off again and it just continues, After my son has gone all out to destroy our relationship, threatened him numerous times and admits he hates his guts, how can anybody be ok with that and not be offish? My teenager needs to feel included and a part of the family, he needs love, patience and a lot of time but the friction and atmosphere between those two is causing a split in our family, it’s caused my son to pull away but to resent us for it, mostly he’s put all the anger on my partner he now has got to the point where he wants to make an effort to come to our house more because he misses me deep down even though he hates me 98% of the time but he basically wants my husband out of the picture and to have nothing to do with him while he comes to see me and his brothers and sisters, I can no longer see the woods for the trees so to speak, I’m torn 😞 I guess what I want to know is what would other mums do? Would you leave your husband to concentrate on your older child? Knowing it will break up the family and have an impact on the younger children? So many people say put your child first, what do you do in this situation?
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