Could u post please I feel like I’m dying emotionally :( So I posted the other …

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Could u post please
I feel like I’m dying emotionally 🙁
So I posted the other week about my son’s dad taking advantage of me and u all said to end things… I’ve tried but my heart won’t let me.
Last Wednesday he got paid his UC and told me he hadn’t been paid (he owed me £50) but Tuesday he text me at 7:30am for a loan for £40 (Tuesday is my payday and he never texts me first and instead of asking how is boy is all he asked was money, then said the same thing Tuesday afternoon so I lent him £80.. only lent
Saturday night he went downtown with his buddy and rang me 2am Sunday morning saying his dad was rushed to hospital at 1am and he’s on way there, i asked where he was and he said Mansfield drinking with Ben, then in the morning he changed it to his dad being rushed into hospital at 7pm Saturday night. He has recovered .. but he’s barely been here to see his son whos 7 weeks old .. when I’ve asked him to spend more time with his son he has a moan saying he’s stressed out to hell and all this crap he’s only spent 5 mins with his son even then all he does is say ‘hi mate’ quick pic and that’s it.
All week I’ve sent him a pic of his son saying good morning Daddy or goodnight Daddy so he can see him and a video of him smiling or kicking.
We barely talk and now my 2year old has figured out how to call people so she’s rang him and he had ago at me.
So today he was suppose to come at 12:30 at 2om I got worried so I rang him and he had ago at me and told me I’m making him choose between his son or dad (I never have) then said he can’t do this anymore.
So I checked his online banking (he knows I’ve got his details as I set it up for him) and he was paid the UC .. I think he secretly did cocaine cause he likes constantly and I found out he does it.
I’m pissed that he’s lied to me and had the nerve to ask me for money .. now he’s said he’s only paying me £40 cause the rest was a gift.
I love him to pieces and I want to be with him, I keep looking back at are pics convos and stuff and it kills.
He says he loves me but he needs time to get his dad better and I understand that totally. But I feel I’m just a piggy bank to him .. we was engaged and all, he said last week he wanted to try for another baby when my injection stood protecting me (late August) he wanted me to make an effort so I’ve been wearing make up, nice clothes, low cut toos cause he likes my boobs, buying him stuff, loaning him money just to proof I love him. I asked him to proof he loves me but he didn’t.
He says he loves me, wants me, another baby, etc but then says I’m stressing him out and lying about money.
Don’t judge I’m trying to get over him but it’s hard,
I’ve got a baby and a toddler and there a handful I haven’t eating in a week, I constantly think about him, looking at pics, old convos, sit around moping for him, I don’t go out cause my son is poorly so cries alot. I watch him come online on WhatsApp hoping he text me but no nothing, he won’t add me on FB, lock on his phone, but 2 weeks after having his kid he’s telling another girl he loves her etc, and other girls stuff.
Hoe do u get over a guy u love to pieces and want to be with him but feel your being played and used?
I haven’t slept in are bed in months cause it smells like him and I cry daily. I crash on sofa with very little sleep.
I don’t have no friends or family. I hate my house cause it reminds me of him, I’m never happy I just put on a brave face, he only talks to me when he wants money. He doesn’t show me love no more.
Just wish I never met him. My son is his double so it’s like looking into the eyes of my ex.
I get his dad is ill but recovered alot! But he’s given up with us, he doesn’t do oat for his son.
I need my £80 back but he won’t give it me so I don’t know whether to transfer it into.my bank at midnight, but when he finds out his temp is bad,
He said in a month when his dad is better we sort stuff out but I don’t believe it, but I want too. So if I get my money back any chance of us getting back together is out the window, but I think we’re over anyway.
I want to forget him!! It’s been 2 hours I last spoke to him and I’m struggling, I want to call him but he not answer. I’m trying to look for a break somewhere but money is tight 🙁 xxx
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