Does anyone else feel like this wish they could go back and start over with thei…

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Does anyone else feel like this wish they could go back and start over with their babies ?
Long story I got with her dad and after 3 weeks was pregnant ( never in a million years did I think this would happen ) but it did and I was so happy
He was so nice at first a little stubborn but then the insults , mental torture started , everything that happend went wrong was my fault he would even side with a stranger over me , I was fat , ugly no one would want me after I’ve had a baby , saying his life will never change he won’t let the baby hold him back I ended up loosing my job due to been so emotional having to take days off and I know it was him making me feel this way I was bleeding the whole way through the pregnancy having to go to hospital he would say it’s my fault but if thru the be know it was with him manipulating me to sleep with him then I would have a bleed ,
Fast forward to when the baby was born he was so mad I lost all my baby weight 2 days after giving birth saying he was kinda chubby, I got really bad depression he went on a weekend bender going out with girls whilst I’m stick at home crying , I felt like the baby was in the way I hated feeling this way but the depression was taking over I would just sit and cry all day look at my baby and feel like I was not good enough, one day when I was breastfeeding feeding he was talking about going out I was mad so didn’t reply so he nipped my arm then started to nip up and down my arm I was crying in side, he just said that’s what u deserve when he left I look at my arm and it was so bad black and blue so I hid the mark did not tell any one , the depression was just eating away I me he would tell me I kept it so deal with it I used to imagine killing him in his sleep whilst I was sat up awake with baby I never would of done but I really wanted to he would slap me and put me down any chance he got I felt as though I was not taking time out to watch my baby grow he was taking up all my mind my thoughts, and I was just plodding on my baby ended up really ill and in hospital at this point we broke up I had enough but looking back now I can’t remember the first 4 months of my babies life it all seams a bler I feel like I have missed out due to him being so evil wish I could just go back and do it all again but alone does anyone else feel this way ? Will this feeling ever go I just feel so much resentment agents this horrible human that took my mind away from the important things in life
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