Hi can you make this very private please. It’s not baby related but I need to g…

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Hi can you make this very private please.
It’s not baby related but I need to get this out there I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or just generally asking what to do but this is very difficult for me to speak of this.
Ok back 14 years ago 😭, I use to stay at my eldest sisters place her partner who she has kids with groomed me basically I was about 12 – 13 years old and it started with having to massage his back then he would keep asking me to come to the house to help them with their baby I loved the fact I had a little niece to help look after then it started he kept grabbing me then he would grab my bum ect I just loved being round this little baby so I shrugged it off then my sister kept asking me for help with the little one so amongst everything that had happened so far he use to get in to my head any way I started feeling for him I shouldn’t but it’s like he had got in to my head by the way he was about 25 I was about 12-13 years old. Then real stuff started happening keep grabbing my bits and bobs climbing in the pit I slept in. I stayed away didn’t tell my friends or anything felt my whole world crashing down on me I felt it was all my fault. Then he would contact and apologise ECT I missed the fact of my sister and the baby I felt grown up there I could smoke ect. So weeks went by I was going there and he would just say things like oh I love a good blonde you are beautiful ECT then this one day I went and asked my sister if I could go to her room I was shattered and have a sleep I was on my own then I believe my sister had took the baby out I don’t remember the whole thing but I remember the end where he had done his buisness and I had bled so I knew we had done it. So it don’t just stop there he use to threaten me saying if i tell anyone they will know I’m a liar one time I told him I’m going to tell my older friends and they will beat the crap out of him and he got his baseball bat and said this will go up all their heads if I told anyone. Anyway I kept running away for weeks I didn’t go back then my sister fell pregnant again they was moving to a bigger place so she asking and really asking me to help her out so I did because I couldn’t get away from him any way he would call n show up at my parents place and even my parents didn’t notice anything because I was worried I knew I had to keep my crap together anyway they moved to the new house both little ones was there I went to offer my sister support but wrong time to be there she was always tired so I was left alone with him. He would constantly tell me he loved me and I just fell deeper in this hell hole but I really thought I generally loved him but anyway we all had a glass of drink to celebrate her 2nd baby ECT she goes to bed and leaves him down stairs where I would sleep on the sofa obviously he would worm his way in again I never felt safe so it continued. Any way my sister and him broke up it was a about 2 years down the line so all together he did this till I was about 16 played with my head. Any way they broke up and about 4 years ago I told her what happened it goes deeper but I can’t say it all here but she said she use to hear it and see it through the ceiling cupboard but didn’t know to the extent it was happening she also told me he had raped her and done something else to her but now I can’t help but think I was never protected by her but any way I never went to the police because I was trying to protect these little ones dragging their names through the dirt. But now I live with guilt every day thinking what if he’s don3 this to someone else or how many others. My sister don’t let him see his kids any more but now I’m hearing that he was addressing his daughter in the wrong way and he is going to try taking the kids off her I’m actually scared for them. Please don’t judge me please don’t judge me unless you have walked the path I have I’m a wreck day in day out. I have children of my own now and I just want to wrap them up in my arms and never let them go. I feel this is all my fault I feel I may have ruined the lives of others. But trust me my life story goes deeper but I can only write what I have.
**** update*****
I have finally bunked up the courage to go to the police they have said it’s historic rape so they are not even sure that he will be prosecuted as there isn’t witnesses, or there may not be enough evidence I feel like I’ve done all this for nothing also has anyone else been through this and come out with the result they hoped for.
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