Hi, I don’t know what I want from this post. I just know I’m struggling. My part…

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Hi, I don’t know what I want from this post. I just know I’m struggling. My partner decided after 2 years (one living together) that he didn’t want to be with us anymore (I have three children that aren’t his). He said while he loves me something didn’t click and he stayed because he didn’t want to hurt me but he’d been getting frustrated for a while now having to support us (he works) when it wasn’t a life he wanted. He has always had lots of issues (some mental health, some lifestyle) and we worked really hard on them and now he’s ‘fixed’ he decided he doesn’t want me and this. I knew we had problems (especially in the bedroom – he has done before me too) and he got impatient with the kids a lot and felt like he didn’t get enough time to himself (he’s self admittedly selfish and unwilling to compromise). He’s says it’s like he ‘woke up’ and the person who woke up felt 53 not 33 and he didn’t feel like a dad-like figure to the kids. I’m absolutely heartbroken because I felt like we were a family and that’s all I wanted. How do you get over heartbreak? I feel like I’m dying and questioning everything.

He still in the home (which will shock most of you, I know) because he has no friends and family lives outside the area and he can’t get time off work (factory work). He’s looking for somewhere now and it hurts to see him look so free. He is upset but not as much as I am and I think it’s because he has adventures coming and he’s leaving me behind to go on them 😞 I feel abandoned. He should be out by next week and this time has given me the opportunity to talk it all out with him because it’s a sad breakup not an angry one (though I sure angry will come. He’s been planning to leave for a while). He’s always been a fantacist and a ‘I wish I were’ so I doubt he would have been truly happy with us, he had a wandering mind. I just wish I could have been enough and It’s hard not to blame myself. He looked happy and he acted content and we used to talk about everything bothering us (almost like free Counselling). We were emotionally connected and intimate (just not sexually) and I felt like a team. Like a family – just a dysfunctional one, and now I feel like I’ve been blindsided with his wanting to go for a while. He’s said some awful things to me in the past and I know I should be glad that it’s coming to an end before all the good memories got outweighed with the bad but I’m really, really finding it hard to let go. I’ve never really resented my kids and my life (and don’t as such now) but he’s leaving me behind because being a mum is too stable and boring and Pressured and I can’t bear that, especially because there’s no chance of reconciling because I’ll always be me. He’s away for the weekend to give us breathing time but even that is hurting me. Like a taster of what is to come.

How do you cope with a breakup? How did it effect your children? They aren’t his but the youngest are only 4. I have no idea what I’m going to do because I was financially dependant on him and I suspect emotionally too. I loved the bones of him and gave it my all (probably too much which is why it lasted that long). What do I do? He’s my first full-on adult relationship since I was 22 (11 years ago; my youngest are a different story. Gosh it’s like Jeremy Kyle >_<) and I can't remember being this bad. I'm losing my family and I can't cope. Sorry for the ramble everyone. I'm just lost and hurting so bad. Can you add that we haven't any money for him to have moved into a hotel or anything. We barely have any to live on as it is so that wasn't an option for us either. He is just stuck here waiting to rent a room or a flat. Mum has said I can temporarily move my rabble in which is nice and I'm going to have to. It's that letting go thing. By leaving I'm losing time I can spend with him, when we are not talking sad stuff we are just like before with a bit of awkwardness and no physical stuff or bed Shari g so it's almost like nothing changed. I know it has. I'm so stupid 😞 [ad_2]
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