Hi I need a ppp please .. I’m so upset .. it’s both my girls birthday today.. a…

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Hi I need a ppp please ..
I’m so upset 😭 .. it’s both my girls birthday today.. and I go through the same thing every year.. my partners side just love to see it coming.. but my side are as distant as anything. My childhood was terrible.. full of abuse of every form .. my mother favours my sisters kids, my mum even admitted it , my dad who I never see couldn’t even send a card to acknowledge their birthday.. yet would snoop on my Facebook.. it makes me so sick . My kids r my world , part or me is jelous because I would just wish they cud have a normal family unit.. Uno.. gran, grandad ect .. instead of this. I feel it’s my fault because I’ve flown off the handle at time with my mum and dad.. because of how my childhood was.. but I dunno what else they expect.. ! I just don’t see you why my kids have to suffer even if our relationships will never be good.. it’s not their fault. I don’t want to be angry and bitter.. but every year.. it gets me.. and makes me feel physically sick . Sorry for the long post. I’m sat in tears and can’t write on my own Facebook as it would start a real fight ! Might be tempted after a drink or too 😂 .. anyone any advise on how to just jump the hurdle .. and get past these feelings?
Thanku .
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