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I Don’t Go A Day Without Thinking About You

It took a lot for me to write this..
Late period, belly cramps and feeling sick.
This is where it all started, so I done what every other girl would of done.. I went to get a test (5 in my case) I couldn’t wait till the next morning so I done the test in town – IT WAS POSITIVE!

I got mixed emotions but the one that stood out was happiness, constant smile on my face and I just couldn’t believe it. Your big sister even kept pointing and rubbing my belly saying ‘baby’. My mind went overboard thinking about all baby clothes, if you was a boy or girl and how much my life was about to change – I was so excited! You even gave me a little bump due to the bloat even though you was so tiny.
Then the dull stabbing pain for which I got told was ‘normal’ and it was my body ‘stretching and adapting’ which then lead to spotting which I was also told was normal. I still went to hospital to get checked over. They done a internal and external scan but said they couldn’t see anything even though the bloods and test confirmed the pregnancy. Got told to come back in 48hours for MORE bloods then had to wait another 24hours for results. I can honestly tell you that was the worst 72hours of my life! On the day I was meant to get my results I went to work just not feeling right. Went to the toilet and I HEARD you fall into the water, right there my heart shattered. Right there my world fell apart.
Instantly I felt empty, I felt numb and broken. I no longer see the world how I use to.

I don’t go a day without thinking of you.
I have to hold back the tears when I see a bump or baby.
I have to act happy for friends/family when they tell me they are pregnant even though I’m dying inside.
Some people (mainly those who ain’t been through it themselves) think it’s ‘nothing’ and ‘people have been through worse in their life’ and yeah to you it may be nothing but to me it was my life, my world and now it’s gone. It will never be the same.
I may not of held you in my arms but I will forever hold you in my heart, I love you bumpy! πŸ’–

Credit to my good friend

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