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I’m The Butt Of All The Family Jokes

I have a close family member that was diagnosed with colon cancer pretty recently, and it was advised that I get a colonoscopy, since it is now part of my family medical history. I dragged my feet, but decided to finally do it.
Okay now, if you have done the prep, or know someone who has done the prep, it is no joke! You basically overdose on laxatives, and then chain yourself to the toilet, and hope for the best. I barely survived!!

Next morning, I go to the hospital for the procedure, and all goes well. After I wake up, the doctor comes to tell me his findings. He tells me that I have a very healthy colon, no polyps, or cancer. But…. they found a ring. Now at this point I’m thinking it’s a medical term for something, and I say, ”A ring of what? What does that mean?” He then picks up a cup and rattles it’s contents. He says, “Does this look familiar?”

I nearly died! 😳 I had so many questions!
“Yes, that’s my ring, but how did it get there?”
“How could I have swallowed a ring, and not know it?”
“How was the ring still in my colon, after the massive amounts of poop 💩 that so violently exited my body the night before?”
“Again, how could I have swallowed my ring without knowing?”
The doctor and nurse just stared at me as if to say, “Lady, I don’t know your life.”

After entertaining many crazy theories in my head, I think I may have solved the mystery. This is an explanation I can live with, and makes sense to me, so here you go:
I don’t like to wear my ring when I wash my hands, so I will set it on the sink, or put it in my pocket. After I dry my hands, I put it back on. (Sometimes I forget) Also, I take several vitamin supplements every day. I take them all at once, by collecting water in my mouth, tipping my head back, while still holding the water in my mouth, drop them in, then swallow. I have to take my vitamins with food, so after breakfast I will go get my vitamins and sometimes put them in my pocket. I think I left my ring in my pocket after washing my hands, then added my vitamins to that pocket. When I took out the vitamins to swallow, the ring came with them and down it went.

The ring had only been missing a few days, and I wasn’t too worried about it. I figured it would turn up somewhere. Never in a million years did I think that it would be in my colon. So grateful they found it. I can only imagine the issues it may have caused me in the future.

I'm The Butt Of All The Family Jokes
I’m The Butt Of All The Family Jokes

I’m already the butt (pun intended) of my family’s jokes. I commented that I had misplaced a Christmas gift I wanted to wrap, and my son goes, “Did you check your colon?” …. I might be returning one of his gifts later.


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