Long one so bare with. I have a just turned 3 year old. The biological father to…

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Long one so bare with.
I have a just turned 3 year old. The biological father to her I’m having problems with regarding contact. Up until a few months ago he used to be around my house every day after work. When he was there he would fall to sleep all the time I’d have to ask him to play with our daughter ECT. Fast forward. I got with my now partner. He would wait till my daughter’s dad had gone home and for my daughter to be in bed before he would come round so not to confuse her and to not interrupt hers and her dad’s time together. I was still letting my ex come round daily. Yet again he was still not making the effort while he was there. My partner moved in with us. He would still stay out of the way while her dad was there just because he didn’t wanna interrupt them both. My daughter’s dad stopped bothering with her less and less. He would choose to come less days. I didn’t have a problem with this obviously if he’s busy. He would never ask how she is. I was helping him out with money my dad was giving him somewhere to live but he was just using mine and my dad’s as squats. He would come to ours eat food sometimes borrow money then he would go to my dad’s and bath and sleep there. He weren’t paying anything towards rent or towards bills or anything at my dad’s and my dad got fed up of it but he thought if he’s seeing my little girl he wouldn’t say anything he just needs help for abit. Little did I know he was telling my parents he was giving me all his wages and that I was neglecting our daughter. Most definitely not true and he was telling me a different story that he was having to pay for stuff at my dad’s. He was basically using seeing our daughter and an excuse to rip me and my parents off. My partner lived with us so there was times he was there when my daughter’s dad was there but he’s always be civil and speak to my daughter’s dad but would stay in a different room because he’s very much encouraged my daughter’s and her dad’s time together. Anyway my ex started coming less and less would never ask about her and it got to the point I’d have to phone him to beg him to see her. I give him the option of choosing a day and times to see her. The only thing I asked was that it was not passed 7:30pm because of going to bed to get her in a routine before she started school. He was fine with that. Every week he would turn up half hour late. He would give her £20 a week which I put away in a tin for her. I say every week he give her £80 in total then it stopped. The money doesn’t bother me she has everything she needs plus more. It was the contact that’s always been an issue. He would see her for 2 hours a week and would never ask how she is or speak to her or anything inbetween those 2 hours a week. I was giving him ideas of things to do with her while he was at ours and I would leave them to it if he needed me he only needed to shout my name so I didn’t interrupt their contact either. Sometimes I would join in so would my partner just so she knew we were all civil and there for her. I said if you keep up contact I’ll let you have her more and even take her out for the day every fortnight on either a Saturday or Sunday alternate between the two so it was fair on us all. This is a hard thing for me as I have separation anxiety (been counselling for it). He had her once for the day. He turned up late that day and had planned to take her to sit at a family members house all day who will happily do drugs in her own home with children there so I put my foot down and said no so he took her to the park and for food instead. He turned up late I couldn’t get hold of him so you could imagine the panic that went through me. Despite this I still offered him more days with her and each time I asked if he wanted her (I’d ask him a week or more in advance) there was always something that he was doing so he couldn’t have her. He’d never ask to have her, never ask to take her out. My patience wore very thin it was like he couldn’t be bothered with her. It was affecting her behaviour every time she knew her dad was coming she would start misbehaving not listening to what we had to say or anything. I’d never pushed her dad away but I noticed the negative affect on her so I stopped contact altogether. It was only then he was bombarding me with text messages. Then he would go days without asking again then would bombard me with messages again. I’ve moved house since and a few of his things were at my old place. I asked him to come and collect his things. Our daughter was with me as she is always and I thought I’ll give them the opportunity to spend time together. He never asked to spend time with her or asked how she’d been. I just said you have 5 minutes. We got talking because he said He’d been citizens advice and they told him to send me a letter asking for contact with her and if I refuse he can take me mediation. I said I never had a problem with this but after all the time you haven’t bothered I’m not just give in… And allow contact after how long of not making the effort with her. I’m happy to go to mediation and sort it properly. It was a week before our daughters birthday when he come to collect her stuff. He never asked if he could call or video chat or see her in person on her birthday he just said shall I send her card to your moms. This annoyed me so I just said yeah and give him my moms full address including post code. He wrote it down in front of me. Come Saturday just gone a day before her birthday no card had turned up still and the post man had delivered all my moms post for that week. I phoned him up asking where her card was his excuse was he must’ve put the address wrong but he put a return address on it so it should get sent back to him. To me that’s abit weird you wouldn’t put a return address just on a birthday card would you? Anyway he’s meant to live quite far away apparently over an hour away. My mom phoned me an hour after I’d phoned him saying a card had just been posted through the door for my little girl. I messaged him back asking if He’d just delivered it and he said yeah. I was calm then. Anyway come Sunday if was her birthday he never once wished her happy birthday nothing. I messaged him saying how he basically never even bothered with her on his birthday and he was like I did wish her happy birthday I asked him where he said on my Facebook. Well for one I have him blocked on Facebook and as she is 3 she can’t exactly read Facebook statuses nor could I pass the message on to her if I couldn’t see it. He could have text saying happy birthday I would have happily passed the message onto her but no nothing and there’s been nothing since. That first card he’d apparently posted still hasn’t turned up at my moms neither has the the contact letter and it’s been 2 weeks now. Where do I stand? I have all the proof he’s made no effort with her. He has no fixed abode and his mates landlord or something doesn’t know he’s living there, he had no legal job he’s working off the books illegally. He’s on her birth certificate tho would he still get contact if it went through mediation ECT? I don’t want to push my little girls dad away and we still talk about him there’s still pictures of him hanging up I’ve never spoke bad of him to her I’m not bitter like that there’s no reason for her to think bad of him it’s her decision when she’s older. But at the same time I don’t wanna let him have contact with her again to do exactly the same as before. Do you think I’m in the wrong for protecting her? I’m happy to listen to all opinions xx
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