My Oldest Son Took His Life The Signs Were There We Just Didn’t See Them

My oldest son Phillip took his own life on Monday the 18th March 2019. He was only 34 years old. For over 6 years he had been a loving single Dad to his 3 young children. Aged 12yrs, 10yrs & the youngest only 7yrs old.

The signs were there had we looked hard enough, had we realised what they were. He was depressed, down, had started drinking, found it hard to sleep. He hid this from us, instead, he would let us believe that all was well. We found out after he had died, just how low he had become. We found out that he had bought his XXXXXXXXXXXXX. As easy as that. We also found his suicide note on his p.c.

Saying how he had and was failing his children, how he had hurt others along the way. How with him gone, everyone would be so much better off. He was wrong, we were all so proud of him, a young lad taking on custody of 3 children, youngest at the time was only 7 mths old.

I never ever would have thought that it would have been Phillip that would take his own life. That day he had dropped his children off at school, had an argument with his ex and then with her family. He drove 5 mins away. Pulled over off the road. Posted a status on Facebook at 10.45. At 10.53 he uploaded a photo of himself crying on WhatsApp…

It would have been quick and painless the police told us when they knocked at our door at 1 pm. All over with so quickly. One beautiful life snuffed out just as quick as that. He lost his fight that day, lost the fight to his demons. Nothing can bring him back. The pain left behind is so intense, his 3 brothers & 2 sisters are walking around lost. A massive part of them has gone. My heart has been ripped out, my soul totally destroyed. Nothing is going to heal this hole deep inside us.

I don’t want his death to be in vain though. I need it to be worth something. If anyone is feeling the same way that my son was that dreadful morning. Reach out I’m Begging you. Talk to someone, even if it’s a total stranger. Death is NOT the answer, although it may seem like the only escape route. It’s not. YOUR LIFE MATTERS. You matter to people. You are worth saving every time. Please hear these words from the heart of a grieving mother, and get help.




Samaritans – for everyone

Call 116 123


Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – for men

Call 0800 58 58 58 – 5pm to midnight every day

Or visit the webchat page

Papyrus – for people under 35

Call 0800 068 41 41 – Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm, weekends 2pm to 10pm,

Text 07786 209697


Childline – for children and young people under 19

Call 0800 1111 – the number won’t show up on your phone bill

The Silver Line – for older people

Call 0800 4 70 80 90


Let family or friends know what’s going on with you. They may be able to offer support and help keep you safe.

There’s no right or wrong way to talk about suicidal feelings – starting the conversation is what’s important.

If you find it difficult to talk to someone you know, you could call your GP – ask for an emergency appointment or

call 111 out of hours – they will help you find the support and help you need


Try not to think about the future – just focus on getting through today

Stay away from drugs and alcohol

Get yourself to a safe place, like a friend’s house

Be around other people

Do something you usually enjoy, such as spending time with a pet

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