ppp this is a long story so bare with me…. I have been with my partner almost…

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ppp this is a long story so bare with me….

I have been with my partner almost 3 years, we have a 6 month old baby and I have 2 children from a previous relationship.

when I first got with my now partner he was a bit of a party animal (drink and cocaine) on the weekends which was fine as he kept it away from me and the kids, he didnt live with us and we were not financially tied.

As the relationship progressed the partying got less, he basically moved in, started to be a father figure to my children (their father is absent) and we then went on to try for a baby.

As soon as I fell pregnant things started to worsen… the partying was back full swing, weekend and during the week, sometimes for days at a time with no calls etc. He then lost his job and decided he no longer needed to work but carried on his party lifestyle ( I dont know how he funded this but he managed.)

Anyway I provided everything for the baby, had an awful pregnancy, birth and then got postnatal depression. (I also have other mental health issues…ptsd, anxiety, depression, low self esteem) But when the baby was here, he just carried on partying… I also found out he had been chatting to other women online when he was high, and even had a couple of nude pics. of course it was all denied and I was told that Im paranoid and gone in the head.

I went back to work 2 months after the birth of the baby, because he wasn’t working and I wasn’t entitled to maternity allowance so was struggling to feed everyone with basically no income… He has now gone back to work but the thing is he only gives me £10 per week and keeps the rest of his wages where as every penny I get goes on bills, kids and food.

I am no angel and I know that I’m hard to live with because of my mental health issues, paranoia but i try my hardest to be a good girlfriend, keep a clean house, cook, do the washing, fulfil his needs etc.

He is amazing with all of the kids, could never fault him with that. He used to be so loving with me and I think thats what I cling onto. But now eveytime we have an argument (mainly due to his going out and getting off his nut) I get called a c**t, ugly, fat, slag and criticizes absolutely everything I do.

I hate that I love him, I feel trapped because I want him to go and then when it comes to it Im heart broken and feel lost without him.
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