I am 33 years old and a mum to four children Sean 11, Saul, 8, Poppy May 6 and Lily Rae 3 I do not enjoy being a mum at all, I mean I used to.
When it was just Sean and I it was easy I enjoyed watching him grow, tucking him in and giving him my undivided attention and being his mummy but that all changed when Saul came along.
With each child I loath being a mother more and more, I feel all I do is yell at them and my husband, I’m forever tired and there is no enjoyment in raising four children, I am not me anymore, I have changed into a person I do not like.
Don’t get my wrong I love them all and would never see any harm come to them but if I could turn back time I would not have any children after Sean, I don’t know why i thought having more children was a good idea, I was perfect the way it was.
I used to be a fantastic, loving mother and now I dread the children waking up, the moans, the arguing and the constant want, want, want, the tears, the tantrums, the fact that they can’t be in the same room together without a fight or someone crying.
Poor Sean is often left out as the younger children are so needy and crave so much attention from me, I feel we have lost our bond, he is like a stranger in my house, I try to include him and make time for him but it is never enough.
I wish someone had told me how guilty I would feel with having so many children and how no matter how hard I try I can never give everyone equal love and attention.
I am burnt out, I am fed up and I truly wish I’d only had my eldest son, please don’t think badly of me I cannot help how I feel, I hope as they get older it will get easier but for now i guess I have to suck it up and continue with this life