Raising Girls Is Never Easy But Now I Am In The Thick Of It

 

When I was a little girl and my imagination would think to the future, of being a mum, having a family, everything being perfect.  The sun would be shining, my family would be full of smiles and giggles and we would all skip through fields holding hands as if from a scene from Little House on the Prairie.

In reality it could not be more different.  I have two daughters fairly close in age, both with completely different characters.  In the beginning they were best of friends.  Whatever the older one did the other would follow.  If they older one asked the younger to do something she would do it without question. There was even a point were I would dress them the same, which they never complained.  At this point I thought they would always be best of friends and there would never be a quibble between them. They would become teenagers. young woman and share clothes and make up. They would go out together and giggle away at girlie gossip.

I am not sure as to what point this changed or the exact timing of it but my sweet, loving companions are now constantly at war.  One is a teenager and maturing before my eyes. Going from a girl into a woman and blossoming.  I look at her with envy often and wish that I looked as she does when I was 13. I am so proud of her, she is intelligent, articulate and has such a caring heart.  The other is pre teen and her blossoming is only just beginning.  Proud is not enough of a word to describe how I feel about her.  She is the strong one.  For two girls who when little were like mirror images of each other they are now so different.  This is where I feel I am in a huge hole and desperately trying to scrape my way back to the top.

I have read over the years that raising girls is never easy and now I am in the thick of it, I 100% agree. Never seeming to get anything right for them.  I always had this illusion that I would be seen as the cool mum, be friends with my kids. I can honestly say anyone who achieves this is either extremely laid back or a genius.  I am told get past the teenage years and this will come but right now that seems a mammoth task.

My girls bicker from morning until night, they argue over the most trivial things.  It is a constant battle of wills.  Due to a recent house move and renovations the girls are currently sharing a room.  Stupid me, thinking this would be great for them. For them to be close again, have each others company. How wrong I was, instead I wonder which one is going to throttle the other one first. The looks they can give each other would turn anyone to stone. Medusa doesn’t have a look in.

I try so hard to be fair. Try to listen to each others side of things when a disagreement erupts.  Not wanting to favour one over the other but no matter how many parenting books I have read or programs I have watched nothing prepares you for being in the moment when your two daughters want you to side with either one of them and for you to spit venom at the other just because she has pinched one of her nail polishes.  Then there is the surreal moments when things get so heated and discipline in the strongest form is required.  Voices are raised and I put my foot down then at a flip of a coin they side with each other.  “Mum don’t shout at her”  I can only describe it like being on a playground roundabout and being pushed so fast that when you come off you are still in a spin.  Confusion seems to last for several minutes after.

My girls are absolutely at the love/hate relationship stage.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that neither would ever see any harm come to the other.  Sibling protection will always be there with them that I know but right now this hole I am in, with my efforts to both, keep the peace between them and myself is not getting any easier to climb out.  Now when I think to the future I hope and pray that my girls get through this and once again become the close friends they once were.

Credit Louise Smith