Can I have a private post please I went on a “break” with my fiancé a month ago …

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Can I have a private post please I went on a “break” with my fiancé a month ago after 4 years I havd two older children to someone who was the worst and I fled due to domestic violence I had difficult pregnancys with him “obviously” and spent alot of the time going it alone including the labour, I met my fiancé when I moved away to a different area and fell in love he was my best friend and everything I had I don’t have many friends I don’t trust people after everything I went through, we havd a daughter and Im 30 weeks pregnant, we started bickering a month ago and he started snapping over petty things even though he’d come home to a bubble bath clean clothes food offerd rest whenever he needed as he was working two jobs I even tried cooking him steak ext, it wasn’t enough he was being so snappy every day and I’d had enough so asked him to go, I wanted him to realise he didn’t he went and didn’t come back. Before he went he said he was sick of running round after me all the time and called me lazy (I’d asked him to put a wardrobe and some baby gates up,) he also went on about his cousins gf syin how she runs around after his cousin doin whatever he needs and he treats her like shit. (despite everything I was doing for him it was always mentioned everything she did. So he went, anyway this past month because I have obviously no family or friends around from havin to run from my ex, has been exceptionally difficult I havd difficult pregnancys and iv been completely alone struggling with 3 kids (despite being put on bed rest) iv struggled doin a tip run house clearance and a very demanding 1 year old who’s teeth in. Also because he’s hardly spoken iv gone over 24 hours ar a time even speaking to anyone atal wich has resulted in me breaking down to my midwife and her referin me to a syciatrst because I collapsed and spent two days in hospital by myself, I wanted to fight for my relationship so I did I gave him space, I told him I missed him I asked him to come round 3 days ago we had a nice time we spent time with the kids and got on, he said he doesn’t want to havd a serious conversation or come home till after the babys born. It broke but I thought let’s jus not say anything jus carty on how it is try and make him want to come home, so yesterday he came again, we had a nicd day on the way out he kissed me on the head. Iv missed him so much this past month I jus didn’t say how I felt. Today we’ve gone out, he turned round and came out with how his cousin said he thinks he fancys his gf. (the one he went on about) I said why he said because he feels sorry for her, that his cousin doesn’t help her so he offers to take her and her son out and if they need shopping or out he’s drove her instead of his cousin because he thinks it’s tight leaving her to struggle. I bit my tongue.. Then he said this morning they all went out for breakfast together he got home two hours after his cousin and gf did (they live at his house) and his cousin had gone out leaving her Sat alone foe two hours with absolutely no one. How tight it was and how sorry he felt for her. So I said calmly that upsets me a bit because Iv Sat listening to all that when IV been left completely alone for a full month goin through a difficult time and I litteraly have had no one around fof days on end and how he had a go about doing things for me his fiancé of 4 years and not stopped goin on bout how he does everything fof he’d because he feels tight on her, I didn’t raise my voice didn’t shout said it so calmly. And OMG did he kick of he told me I need to take him home now he’s done with me for good and he’s not coming back that I’m a fukin joke who puts him down and he’s had enough, I got upset. I then got “I fukin hate u absolutely fukin hate u look at u your a fuckin mard arse” he said he doesn’t no why he came back the other day he doesn’t love me and I make him miserable and havnt made him happy for years. He told me he was happier than he’s been fof years on his own and he can’t stand me or my face mopin around. He then went on to say (I’d jus true to explain why it upset me) how I make him want to go shag her and I should get with his cousin because we’re well suited werw both abusive and fukin horrible people and don’t deserve shit. He carried on to say how I was doin his head in and he’s never coming back again how he absolutely hates my mum and family and he wants me to move out of new mills where I live because he doesn’t want me there anymore he told me its over and it’s all my fault because I can’t keep my mouth shut and havd to put him down he then drove of like it was nothing. I’m Sat here thinkin iv blown it but I no deep down I didn’t deserve that should I havd kept my mouth shut or was I right please any advice Is appreciated
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