Childless lockdown Vs lockdown with kids.

Without kids: My house has never been this spotlessly clean and tidy. My cupboards are organised & labelled.

With kids: What the fuck is that on the bath? Pick up the Lego before someone stands on it. I know there’s a tin of beans in here somewhere. Who wrote on the fucking wall? When this is over the carpets need a deep clean.

Without kids: I might have a nap.

With kids: What time is it socially acceptable to force the kids down for a nap so I can have a brew in peace?

Without kids: Conference call- “yes, I read the agenda & have the following well-considered points to raise..”

With Kids: Conference call- “one second” (hissing under your breath) “I don’t fucking know. No. No. Yes. Have some fruit” “Sorry guys I’m back”

Without kids: Shall we start a new box set?

With kids: Shall we try a different channel? Haven’t we had enough Peppa Pig today?

Without kids: I’m going to try a new recipe for dinner.

With kids: Picnic? Nuggets? Fish fingers? Beans?

Without kids: Shall we go for our daily walk?

With kids: Shit, it’s raining.

Without kids: It’s 5pm, shall we pour a wine?

With Kids: It’s 5pm, we are running out of tonic, shall we switch to beer?

Without kids: Oh that was a lovely hour of pampering. I did myself a facial with all of my products, I’ve washed my hair, put on clean loungewear, changed the bedding, shaved my legs & even painted my nails.

With kids: I managed to wash my face and fanny on my own today- treat. Shit, running out of dry shampoo. How long have I been wearing these pjs? That’s a fresh yoghurt stain, they’ll do for another day.

Without kids: Gosh it’s quiet in here, I’m so bored.

With kids: STOP SHOUTING! CALM DOWN!! JESUS IM SICK OF THE SOUND OF MY OWN VOICE SHOUTING THE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN! PLEASE LISTEN TO ME! I DONT KNOW WHERE IT IS! IM HAVING A POO, FFS LEAVE ME ALONE FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!

lockdownwithkids #quarantined #survival #jealous #donttakeitforgranted

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL.