Could I have a pp please Right, I’ve had a bad pregnancy and the result of tha…

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Could I have a pp please

Right, I’ve had a bad pregnancy and the result of that my daughter was delivered at 32 weeks by emergency C section weighing 2lb 6oz… spent less than 6 weeks in scbu. She came home and I did everything for her but 3 weeks after her coming home I got very down and wanted to sleep more as my other half walked out on me. So that weekend Of him walking out on me.. week later his mum and dad had the Baby as group of us planned to go charity event so it’s was awkward! We put our differences a side and got on.. I ended up going back to his and we slept together (I was in the pill) and we used a condom as well, condom broke but I thought im on the pill I’ll be okay.. but 2/3 weeks later wouldn’t of guessed I’m pregnant.. my daughter was around 3 months old.. so forward.. I choose to keep the baby and I didn’t care if I was going to be a single mother to baby’s under 1 or so…. everyone was telling to get rid. I got to 10 weeks I thought and I started to bleed but I lose the baby at 8 weeks..

I got postnatal depression but this pregnancy triggered it even more so I’m on tablets to help me. So going forward few days ago I asked my ex to talk my daughter as I couldn’t cope anymore and I didn’t want to be here anymore. My own family didn’t want me around and didn’t bother with me.. made me feel like a bad mother. So coping with losing this baby and fighting my depression.. I lose it and tried killing myself because I hated myself. I thought no one loved me and I’m better off dead!

My own mother tried knocking the shit out of me.. as I’m asked my ex to take my little girl so she doesn’t see me like this.. I took everything from my mother until she started to say my daughter better of dead! I lost it and we had a fight ( normally I don’t fight And I’ll take everything you send at me) but most of my life I’ve bin put down! After the fight I tried to overdose because I couldn’t cope anymore.. didn’t happen!

Well I stood near my daughter cot and I couldn’t more or anything.. my sister came in and went for me but my dad stopped her.. I thought i wet myself I was that scared.. I went and go some clothes to get dressed.. as I stood in the room grabbing the clothes all three (mum, dad and sister) was shouting at me and I thought I was wetting myself as I was scared and I went into bathroom looking down the change my pad as I was having a miscarriage and blooding because of that.. but the pad and my pants was covered in blood. I called for my mum to ask for help and they scared at me. My dad called an ambulance and I spent 8 hours a and e only to be discharged from there in care of my ex as my family as disowned me.. 2 days before Christmas! I tried to talk to them and they wouldn’t.. so I thought oh well.. Christmas Day came and my ex made me go but it was so awkward and wasn’t nice!

I don’t hold anything against anyone! I forgive and forget but this time I can’t! I don’t want to know my family!! Am I being selfish or what?

Sorry if any spelling mistakes/ no hate or nasty comments
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