Could I have a private post please. Courage to post because of the lady to sadly…

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Could I have a private post please. Courage to post because of the lady to sadly lost her friend to postnatal depression.

My LG will be 4 in a few months. Ever since she has been born I have felt like I’m not good enough for her. I don’t have enough patience with her.. don’t spend enough time with her.. don’t buy her enough.. just generally just that I am not enough and she deserves better.. I have days where I feel amazing and that I am a brilliant mum but once she is in bed I crumble. Most days I feel absolutely horrendous. I’ve been to doctors before and I am always told it’s normal to feel like I do and to just power through.. Or I’m paranoid.. then Palmed off with tablets which despite taking for a while never helped if anything made me worse. Going onto a month ago I had a positive home test.. intact over 10.. but a negative doctors one and blood test.. a few days later passed clot and was told because i have the coil in it was chemical. I never wanted another baby so complete shock and thought I would be relieved with the whole not being pregnant thing… but now in my head I feel worse than ever. If I didn’t have my LG I would end it all and I hate feeling like this but I literally can’t get help no one understands. It hurts putting on a brave face every day when I really just cannot cope with myself anymore 😞 i guess what i am asking is, is it normal to feel like this as mother? Xx
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