Could I have a private post please.. I’m 22 years old and feel like I’m living …

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Could I have a private post please..

I’m 22 years old and feel like I’m living in a hell hole. I have a one year old baby, been with my partner for nearly 3 years. We’ve not spoken for the last couple of days due to financial stress he’s self employed and the only thing I’m claiming is child benefit we are always skint, I’m up to my eyeballs in thousands of pounds worth of debt, everything is my fault, I get called thick, I can’t do anything right. I feel like a crap mum and sometimes feel like my baby hates me and he deserves a lot better than what he’s got right now. I feel hated by everyone right now. I have no heating or hot water because my gas has been turned off, I’m nearly over a thousand pounds in arrears with my rent also. Since the age of 16 I always drank heavily and was taking drugs here there everywhere. I wasn’t diagnosed with depression but always knew I had it I self harmed a lot to the point my arms looked like they had been butchered by a mad axe man. My brother and sister died about 10 months ago and there’s a lot more that has happened and I just don’t know what else can possibly go wrong. Today I was walking to the shop and just blankly visioned myself leaving my baby on the side of the pavement and throwing myself in front of a moving bus. I’m only 22 and feel like I’ve been through so much I feel like I’m too young for all this to be happening. No wanting advice just need to get it all of my chest.
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