Hello can I have a ppp. Not baby related but just seeing if anyone is in my shoe…
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Hello can I have a ppp. Not baby related but just seeing if anyone is in my shoes.
I’ve been with my fiancé nearly 6 years and have a 6 month old baby together. The thing is he suffers with borderline personality disorder. I try to understand and support him as much as I can but when he’s in one of his “moods” he’s very distant with me, hardly talks to me and gets snappy. Sometimes even just blanks me completely.
He also has no sex drives because he’s on different tablets to try and stabilise his moods he’s spoken to his dr and was told that this is a side effect. Not really too bothered about that we do it a couple of times a month it’s just the closeness. I feel so lonely.
I’m only 22 so it’s hard to be in a sexless relationship but of course I’d never leave because of that. I just feel very lonely, unloved and pushed away. Don’t even get a cuddle anymore.. do you think it will get better?
Sorry for the long post just have no one to talk to as very personal and sick of sitting in on my
Own all the time bringing up our baby and feeling no love in return
Thanks x
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Can you reply to Skye please..
Thankyou for saying how strong and patient I seem to be, really means a lot when everything can be so draining.
I try to but he either gets really annoyed with me or just seems to not take it in and I seem to be repeating myself. I just wish he could feel how it makes me feel and vise Versa to see how he sees and feels things.
He’s the love of my life, my friends don’t understand how I put up with it and his mood swings but you just do if you’re in love.
However, it’s starting to really drain me now and I just want to be loved back. It’s really soul destroying to not get the affection you want and need off the person you want it most from x
Can you reply to Lisa please…
He has been to the psychiatrist today and has gone over mindfulness I’ve tried to ask what it is but he never really tells me or let’s me know what’s been said which is hard because I then find it hard to understand. Do you struggle with feelings, showing affection etc? It wasn’t like this before I got pregnant but then he got really bad, and got diagnosed which made sense as I’ve always said he’s like 2 people. However, I can’t see how I can stay with someone who acts like I don’t exist I don’t even get any affection from him? Can his mental health problems be why?
Is there a way I can make him more loving or is it just who he is now?
Thanks for the reply and sorry for all the questions just find it hard and I see my friends with there boyfriends and it makes me miss how we used to be x
I’m not in your shoes, but I just want to say how strong and patient you seem to be. The only advice I’ll give is talking to him, further than that I don’t feel qualified to say but talking is key in any relationship. Do you think you’d be able to sit down and have a heart to heart with him about this all? It’ll be really hard but hopefully the outcome will be worth it xx
I’d urge you to get him to look at “mindfulness” and DBT. Both of those are extremely helpful for someone with BPD. I myself have it however I am still on the waiting list. I understand it is difficult to deal with… It is difficult for the people around me to deal with it as well. Medication doesn’t actually treat BPD. The only thing that works is intensive therapy. If he isn’t getting counselling – get him to. The only way he will be eligible for mindfulness or DBT is if he is receiving counselling. I will warn you where I live it is a 5 year wait from initial referral to receive mindfulness or DBT. I’ve been on the list almost a year. Apart from anything else through counselling you can obtain a psychiatrist who can evaluate the medications given and tweak them. Medications don’t really work for me however I have multiple other mental disorders as well. It will be difficult but in order for him to get better he needs to realise himself that his feelings are erratic, intense and he needs to evaluate each and every time if his emotions are valid. Something people with BPD struggle with. Something even I struggle with daily. It’s more difficult to do because each emotion we feel seems valid. We have little emotional regulation from a clinical standpoint. Harsh reality is a lot of people who suffer liken it to Bipolar… This is not to take away from the seriousness of either mental health issue. The reason we liken it to Bipolar is because we can feel the elation then depression although this can happen multiple times a day. It is extremely draining to live with and extremely draining on the people involved. It will get better eventually. Honestly it will. I know people who have completely changed from their initial BPD diagnosis. It is possible. It just takes time.
I have bpd and very much like this I’m not a touchy person (although I have a high sex drive) just want to say well done as living with someone with this condition is very difficult and most of the time you would also need help/guidance aswell mind.org is a good organisation that could help you both also for him cognitive therapy is very good for this condition hang in there hun xx
there is a book called stop walking on eggshells which is meant to be helpful xx