Hi can I have a private post please. Bit long so bear with me. 7 years ago my pa…
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Hi can I have a private post please. Bit long so bear with me. 7 years ago my partner had a friends with benefits relationship with a woman he’d know for a while he was told she was on the pill more than once (I know contraception fails) she got pregnant within 6 months and told him he wouldn’t be part of the child’s life and she wanted nothing to do with him when he was born he had a dna done and contact in a contact centre was arranged that she cancelled numerous times at the last minute when the child was a year old the mother disappeared to the other end of the country no address no phone number booked him on everything. He tried for years to find them but was told without any information they were hitting dead ends it devastated him but he learnt to accept it and tried to move on. We met 3 and a half years ago and he’s been an amazing father figure to my 3 kids and we had our first child together 6 months ago. I was sent a picture of the child in his uniform and have been able track what school he’s at so at least know the area they are in. I asked my partner if he wanted to find him he told me no I asked if his answer would different if he knew where he was still no. I don’t understand it he was desperate to find this child a few years back but now suddenly nothing I’m worried he’s gonna live to regret it any advice would be appreciated
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After all this time he won’t want to. doesn’t mean he doesn’t love or want to. He will b scared of the child being taken away again. Upsetting his wee boy. B hard for him as his wee boy prob has a dad now. Ure man won’t want hurt again. ure partner needs to decide on his own. Xx
What could be seen as helping can in fact be opening old scars. Having another child with you probably made the feelings raw again and instead of focusing on the past and a relationship he was denied, he might just want to concentrate on the here and now. Don’t push it, or you could stir up emotions he’s learnt to control over the years and it might affect your relationship. You’ve offered it, been very kind in doing so, but respect his response and be there with the answers if he changes his mind. He might be worried about rejection if he was to make contact now, or that it could make things awkward between him and the mum and lead to her moving away again. There’s a million reasons why he might not want to get involved, maybe he thinks it’s better this way, for both parties…or maybe he’s just happy he’s got a child he can care for now and doesn’t feel the need to search anymore.
I personally would just leave it? “You’ve found the area” so if he does want to go down that route when he’s ready? At least u have an area to work on!!! It must off been sooo difficult at the time for him and prehaps doesn’t want to open that pain up again? Just wait till he’s ready x
He probably doesn’t want to go through it all again leave him be for now I’m sure he will in time
It must be horrible to go through all of it and he probably doesn’t want to upset his child
Don’t pressurise him .. maybe in time he will , he tried before so really gotta think how he’s feeling…