Hi Hun. I just need to rant so could I please have a private post please I’m …
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Hi Hun. I just need to rant so could I please have a private post please 😓
I’m so tired of life but I feel like I’m not allowed to feel this way. I have a little boy, he’s 1 (17 months). I’ve been with my parter for 5 years, we’re very happy. Recently I’ve been feeling extemeley down, lazy, horrible about myself.
When I was 10 I was sexually abused by my stepfather for over a year. My mum didn’t know, she was working at a pub at leat once a week and this is when he did his dirty work. He used to make me drink and smoke cigars and I thought he was being nice. He manipulated me into thinking I had a lucky life. As I said i was only 10 when it started and I was extremely confused, he convinced me that it was okay and that it happened between most families. I asked him to stop many times because I didn’t like anything that was happening. My mum never suspected a thing. Eventually they split up and so obvious eveything ended.
I was so depressed and desperate At one point that at a party I ended up saying that I’d been raped because I wanted to see how my mum would react ( I didn’t say it was anyone in particular and I am aware now that it was a horrible and stupid thing to do but I was so depearate at that at t t the age of 13 that I just wanted to somehow try and see if my mum would be there) anyway she didn’t take any notice (quite rightly so)
I’m now a lot older and my mum still doesn’t know and my partner keeps pressuring me to tell my mum but to be honest I really just don’t think she’d care. I’m so down, I regularly contemplate putting my son into a happier home because I feel like I’m worthless and unloved. My other half in arguments has accused that I’m lying just because I haven’t told my mum or been to the police.
I don’t even know what the point of this is really. I feel like I can’t talk to professionals because they’d take my baby away but everyday I stuggle and no one close to me acts like they care 😥
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