Hiya I’m looking for some advice not really sure what to do my son is 4 in Septe…
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Hiya I’m looking for some advice not really sure what to do my son is 4 in September and his dad has not seen him since he was 7 days old his choice I tried getting him to see his son time and time again he was more interested in rasing his GFS kids and now has two others of his own but now after 4 years he want to see my boy and I dont know if I should let him have contact with him as he has always been a drug user and always been quite a bully towards me . My son has been brought up by my partner who we have told him is no his dad but now called him daddy of his own choice what would other people in my situation do I don’t think I trust him enough to let him walk back in I no es away from my home town to get away from him. And now really confused I just want to do right by my son.
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Is he on the birth cert? If so u have no choice. If not tell him u want a DNA (it will prolong things) but ultimately if he is the child’s father he will have rights an IF he fought it would get access. Not what u want to hear but it’s what courts say is best interest for the child.
My daughters dad was a violent paranoid pot smoking knobhead, he beats up every poor girl he gets with, thank god I didn’t put him on the birth certificate, he has no contact, never has done and never will! My daughter also sees my partner as her daddy, and even if we were to ever split up for any reason he will still always be her daddy. I can’t be doing with deadbeat dads, I would tell him to whistle! Xx
The problem you have is if he’s determined you may not have a say in the matter, he can take you to court and unless you have proof that he’s an unfit dad there’s not really a lot you can do. Even if he’s not on the BC he could have a DNA and then have his name put on it, again there’s nothing you can do. It all depends on how determined and how far he’s prepared to go. But you would need proof of anything that could go on your side because a judge will not just take your word for it x
I’m literally in an absolutely identical situation, my daughter is also 4, her dad is a complete deadbeat and left her dying in intensive care and never came back. Admitted to using cocaine while my daughter was in intensive care and he was staying up at the hospital with us. He refused to get medical training (which is compulsory due to the extreme rarity of my daughter’s condition and how complex she is) he’s gone on to have another kids that he hardly bothers his arse with. Even if he did attempt to make contact I wouldn’t let him anywhere near her, not a chance. She has an amazing daddy who loves her more than her biological father ever could x
You would be far better going to mediation to try and sort something out. You’ll know as soon as you set something up within the first few visits if he’s serious about it or not. Unfortunately you need to put your feelings aside and how he treated you isn’t an indication of how he would treat his child. If he’s determined to have contact you could find yourself in court with a court order that doesn’t suit either of you. Try and sort it out between you. He might have been an asshole but he’s still his dad and he should get a chance to step up.
Id apply for mediation so you can talk it out… he still has rights evem if hes in the wrong :/ if you go to mediation and explain your concerns of your son having never known him they may suggest contact centre to save your child feeling unsafe or confused being taken or seen by a stranger x
I wouldn’t as he walked away once he will do it again and your son is older now so he will understand everything why put him at any risk of pain always tell him who is dad is so when he is older he can find him for himself my daughter dad has walked out and I no he will come back as he done the same to his son Iv already made my mind up I won’t be allowing him back he made his choice why walk back in when all the hard bits are done and your son isn’t missing out he has your partner who clearly been man enough to pick the pieces up x
i wudnt he cant decide after 4 yrs to walk into his childs life the child doesnt no him an the child will be happy content n loved me personally wudnt put my child through the emtion cause by sounds him he might walk away again xx
Was he violent?is he on his birth certificate?
I believe in second chances if he was violent do it the right way through a contact center if you decide to let him see him.
Tell him to jog on 4 years to late I’m afraid should of been there from the moment he was born, tell him to contact u again when he turns 16
I would tell him to fuck right off can’t strut in when it suits his dead beat ass!
If he is on birth certificate and does pursue this go through mediation centre insist on drugs tests if he is on drugs he will probably run a mile again