I Didn’t Want My Son, Gender Disappointment

August 2016 I found out I was pregnant, I was so happy, my husband and I had tried for two long years and now we were finally going to have our much wanted baby.

At the first scan when I heard my precious babies heartbeat and saw a blurry image of our baby I was so happy, I couldn’t wait to be a mum.

We decided at our 20 week scan we would find out the baby’s Sex. We found out we were going to have a little boy and I just couldn’t hide my disappointment.

The excitement I had felt went away, I didn’t want to buy anything for the baby, I acted as if I weren’t pregnant, I was so tearful and angry, why was IT a boy!

Whenever anyone asked about my pregnancy I quickly changed the subject, I couldn’t bring myself to talk about having a boy.

Even at the labour suite when I was pushing IT out I didn’t want this baby.

My son was born and I just cried and cried, they placed him in my arms and I looked at his little face and realised it didn’t matter what sex this innocent child was HE was mine.

Gender disappointment is a real thing and it doesn’t make me a bad person or a terrible mum.

My son is my life, he is the sunshine in my soul and I wouldn’t change him for the world.

I regret how I felt it ruined my pregnancy experience but I won’t let it ruin my journey through motherhood, I still mourned for the daughter I didn’t have and although I loved my son I was  often sad, I spoke with my Gp and was sent for counselling and it really helped.

If you are experiencing gender disappointment don’t hide it, talking about it can help and no one has the right to judge you.