Nobody saw you nobody at all At 3am when they woke again. Nobody saw you holdi…

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Nobody saw you nobody at all

At 3am when
they woke again.

Nobody saw you
holding the toddler who wouldn’t be put down
but also wouldn’t go in the buggy
but also wanted to walk but only in the opposite direction
and ‘oh look!
a stick/discarded lolly/dog poo/pebble/cigarette butt/the sky!’

Nobody saw you
holding soft little hands at bed time,
holding angry little bodies still kicking and shouting,
holding it together,
holding on,
holding a hungry little head
to a boob as hard as concrete
in those early days
of chaos.

Nobody saw you winding the bobbin up
and winding it back again
and pointing to the ceiling
and pointing to the floor
and pointing to the window
and pointing to the door.

Nobody saw you when it was raining again
and the kids were sick
and you didn’t leave the house for three days.

Nobody saw that.
Nobody saw when you were empty
but you gave something
but you made something
but you thought of a game
but you said sorry to a little face
for being cross, for snapping again.

the mum behind the kids
behind the babies
and the bumps
and the toddlers smiling into the camera

Nobody sees all of the things that you do
all of the ways that you manage
and with questions like,
‘So when are you going back to work?’
You can end up feeling like one of the hardest jobs
you have or will ever have done
is simply reduced to dossing around at home.

Nobody sees you sometimes
but you are building something
that will never be torn down
a love that cannot be removed
and sometimes it is boring
and sometimes it is the worst
and sometimes you have never been happier

Nobody saw how much you gave
every day
every night
every 5am
every 5pm
every moment.

Have I ever told you
that I think
you are such a wonderful Mum?
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