Please post anonymously. Looking for some opinions – sorry it’s a long one but …

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Please post anonymously.

Looking for some opinions – sorry it’s a long one but I desperately need advice and don’t feel I can talk to family/friends. I’m seriously considering ending my 10 year marriage. I just feel so unloved and under appreciated. We have two children under 2 years. Since being pregnant with our first my husband has shown me next to no affection. Not only does that include being intimate but also he wouldn’t cuddle or kiss me as “the bump freaked him out”. Our second child wasn’t exactly planned and was conceived on one of only two occasions where we were intimate. Again, he then wouldn’t touch me and would make stupid excuses such as being tired, cold, busy whenever I tried to cuddle him. It sounds silly but on birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s Day etc he never buys me anything and it’s breaking my heart. It’s not about spending a lot of money it’s just about him caring to get even the smallest gift (a chocolate bar etc) that would just show me he cared. Even on my first Mother’s Day I didn’t get so much as a card. That absolutely broke me. I’ve approached him about it before and told him how upset it makes me but each occasion is always the same – he’s too busy, forgot or didn’t think I wanted anything. Even a home made card by the children would mean the world to me.

I have also just found out that he has been online gambling and lost over £4000 in the last six months. This money is very much needed as I’m currently on reduced pay and struggling to make ends meet. Again, it’s not about the money though but the lack of respect and trust he has shown our family. I knew he had gambled a small amount as he came clean but he then promised that would be the end of it. We all make mistakes so I trusted he had realised his. However I caught him out a few months later and having gone through all the bank accounts realised just how much money he had lost. I just felt so hurt and disrespected that I’m struggling to forgive him and find myself resenting him.

He is a brilliant father, works long hours and helps around the house (although I still do the majority of childcare and housework). It’s just the complete lack of affection and care for my feelings that I can’t handle. I don’t think that I should feel so unloved in a happy marriage. I have tried suggesting date night, going away for a weekend etc but he always puts it off or has an excuse not to go. I am tired of feeling like I am the only one fighting for a marriage and delaying the inevitable. But it breaks my heart to look at my children and imagine them being brought up in a broken home and not living with their dad (they adore him and he is a good dad). I just don’t know how long I can go on like this and feel it is having a negative effect on my mental health and happiness which isn’t good for the children either.

Please any opinions or advice on how to make the situation better would be welcomed.
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