ppp. hi i had a child 8 years ago and i have never told the father that he is h…
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ppp. hi i had a child 8 years ago and i have never told the father that he is his as we split before i found out i was pregnant. he was on drugs he was abusive he set fire to my house one night because i had split up with him he has been to jail for drug dealing and gbh plus when he did find out i was pregnant he threatend to kick the baby out of me ( not knowing it was his) my child as been brought up by my current partner that i got with before my child was born and he believes this man to be his dad and we have a happy stable family home but i dont know if i am doing the right thing keeping this from my child because if i let this man know he is the dad i do not believe it will be good for my child as i know he was in jail again not long ago for dealing drugs. what would other people do? let my child live the happy life he is or let him know the truth and can i add this man also had another child to someone else a few years later and that child was took in care because of his drug habbit
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Your partner is his dad. He might not be biologically but he’s the one who’s brought him up for the last 8 years, been there every day, probably took him to school, cooked his meals and generally looked after him. He’s his dad. Maybe tell him when he’s older maybe 14/15/16 xx
If it was me I’d let my child be happy, why bring misery up on him.. yes as a father he deserves to know but by the sounds of him he doesn’t deserve kids so I’d just keep it to myself but that’s my opinion ..
I think you should tell your son, always be 100 percent honest with him and when he’s at an age then it will be his own choice wether he wants his dad in his life or not. If you don’t and he ever finds out as we all know secrets don’t last forever he will end up hating you, it’ll rip the poor boys life apart thinking this man who he’s always believed to be his dad is infact not his dad.
My biological dad went and left me and my mum never lied to me and told me my dad now obvs my step dad since I was 2 but she said no not daddy. It’s daddy Alan. And from then on iv always called my dad Alan. He’s still my dad and he knows it. I also recently got in touch with my biological dad but he rarely keeps up with contact. My step dad is my real dad. He’s there for my problems in life still do this day 22 years later and a perfect grandad to my two boys. Your son will know what he needs to know as he grows up. But I do agree with comment above. Let your son be happy. If bio dad has an idea that your son is his then let him do the hard work of fighting for custody. Sounds like a bad environment for him to be around. Hope this helps xxx
I was in the exact same situation with my son. My sons biological father was in and out of jail for numerous reasons. I can’t even count how many times he’s been in jail. My husband has been there for my son since my son was 11 months old. My son hasn’t seen his biological dad since he was 13 months old and we live in the same small town (biological dads choice) We got my sons name changed to my married name (it was my maiden name) so that we can all have the same last name and so my son wouldn’t be confused as he just went to kindergarten. My son is 6 and my husband is all my son knows. Eventually my husband will adopt him. I didn’t put the biological dads name on the birth certificate. We have seen my sons biological dad in the grocery store and the sperm donor turned around and walked the other way. Didn’t even care. But when my son is older (13 or 14) we will tell him the truth. My son is too young to understand if we told him now.
I’d never keep the truth from my kids. I’d just protect them as much as I could i.e. Through the courts with orders in place etc. You see it all the time on Jeremy Kyle, kids messed up because they’ve lived a lie in their eyes.
I don’t believe the child should be introduced to his biological dad but I don’t agree that you are bringing this child up with him believing that his step dad is his natural father, it will destroy him mentally if he was to find out that his dad isn’t his real dad and it’s all been a lie.
My husband has bought my two children up from the age of 4 and 2 and they call him dad but I made sure from the start they knew he wasn’t their biological father and they have no contact with their real dad ( his choice) and my children’s choice to call step father dad x
Wow no matter how bad his biological dad is who are you to play God you robbed a man of a chance to be a dad and you have lied to your child his hole life mite as well keep hiding it till he’s old enough to complete understand but safe to say there hate you for it
I always believe a child should know their mother and father but not if there is a chance of the child being put into danger. He doesnt sound like he has changed in the 8 years your child has been alive so he will never change. I think if he found out he had a child he would only want to get involved to cause trouble for you and your partner and your child doesnt need to see that. As you said your child is happy so why change that
Only you can decide, the will be for’s and against’s! I believe that when the time is right you will know. How does your current partner feel? For the last 8 years he has been bringing him up and being dad. Maybe talk to him also about it? It is very difficult as it could change everything. Take your time and make no rush decisions! Hope it all works out! X
I have been the child led to belive my mum’s partner was my father, my 1st clue came from my birth certificate at around 10 different surname then step dad (then ex) informed me at 14! It was not what you want at that age you suddenly question everything and everyone and feel like you have been lied to….. He doesn’t need to necessarily know who but does need to know something when you feel he is at an appropriate level to understand, and follow it up properly when he is older or has questions. You do not want someone else telling him. My 2 nieces from the same father but different mothers didn’t know each other ended up at the same senior school!
I wouldn’t leave it until they are an adult to tell them… I imagine it would be earth shattering to find out then. But you can be honest without actually introducing this guy into their lives. I say that as someone who’s adopted from a baby, and has always known I’m adopted…
I’d say nothing. There’s no need for him to know, specially if the man is a waste. What good is it going to do to your child? None! Carry on with your life and forget about the looser, I say!
you need to tell him if/when he finds out for himself he will hold it against you. just tell him what you think he will understand, I have 2 children that are not biologically mine 2 & 4 years of age and they know me and my partner as mum and dad but the also know that they have a tummy mummy and daddy too.
My gut feeling is ignorance is bliss. At least when the man involved is totally unsafe and dysfunctional. You could always be honest to the child that the man that actually made them is someone else… but I’d control it very carefully
I’m split on the one hand I say you should tell the truth as your child deserves to know who the real dad is but then on the other your partner as been the dad from the start and do you want to bring this man back into your life and disrupt your family and be a bad influence for your child when he has a stable happy life. I think personally it would cause more UN happiness that what it’s worth tbh from the sort of man you have described I don’t think he deserves to know. Maybe wait until your boy is older to make his own mind and understand properly is he want any more from his real dad.
I have been this kid my bio dad died when I was like 2 is folt drugs and my mum meet some one when 3 or some thing and he is my dad and forever will be as he was the one there for me no mater what that other man picked to do drugs and is folt he died best thing he did in my eyes as I have the best dad 😊 and I wasn’t told he wasn’t my dad till I was 16 I would wait till child is older I got told at 16 as I was abit of a twat as a teen so they waited till I wasn’t 😂 so go by when u feel your child is ready but why tell them now when they don’t fully under stand the hole mum and dad’s the ones who look after u and are there for you ……. sorry it’s long
I’d when he is old enough to understand explain that your partner is his dad but not biologically. If he asks questions about his biological dad answer them. I personally think we all deserve to know who out biological parents are. Yeah it may hurt but if you don’t be honest the child may resent you. Ultimately it’s your decision.
Every child deserves to know their dad and any one that dont tell their child the truth is selfish. your lieing to your child and thats the worst thing a parent can do. i have never lied to my kids and never will id never be able to look them in the eyes.
Even if you don’t tell the father your son deserves to know where he came from and can make his own mind up but maybe wait a few years but I don’t know its a tough one hun x
I’m sorry but your child should know the truth. Regardless of if it was the correct thing to do at the time, if he finds out later in life you run the risk of him resenting you and his step dad for allowing him to live a lie. The child doesn’t need to know the ins and outs of your relationship or his lifestyle, and obviously your partner is his dad in all but DNA.
Tell the child. When not if it comes out and you haven’t told him it could cause him and you a lot of problems. The child has a right to know.
Tell him when he’s older..
and everyone who saying he should know the truth don’t you think it’s going to confuse the poor boy at 8 years old 😢! I’d wait till he’s 14/15 .. and I think you’ve done the right thing !! Blood isn’t always thicker then water ❤️
Maybe tell your son when he’s a little older 15/16, he should be able to understand a bit more x
Let sleeping dogs lie …. what’s the point in upsetting your little boy ..