Today’s The Day I Plan To End My Life

Today’s the day I die.

Today I plan to end my life, in my eyes I’ve been dead for some time now.

My mind won’t be quiet and cutting doesn’t ease the pain, I’ve seen a doctor many times and friends have left my side.

My brain is my own worse enemy making me sad all the time, I wish I didn’t feel this way, I’d do anything to escape.

My family tell me I have so much going for me and have no reason to feel this way, I need to get on with things and stop being selfish and lazy and leave my house each day.

But they do not know I didn’t choose this way, depression has a hold of me and I can’t run away.

Some days I feel oh such pride by getting out of bed and faking my own sweet smile.

But today’s the day I plan to die for I can’t carry on, I’m sorry for being so miserable and burden you with my pain, I know I am a kill joy and make you feel so down.

Depression is my killer not my own fair hand, I’m sorry for being ill and that you don’t understand.

Today is the day I plan to die.

This was written in my diary 3 years ago at my lowest point I had it all planned out, paid all bills and packed up my home so my family wouldn’t have to.

But something happened to stop me, a knock on the door a friendly face, one friend who hadn’t forgotten me, who held me as I cried, someone who listened and didn’t try to give me solutions or tell me what to do.

She sat with me for hours as I wept and held me close to her, we agreed I would get help and took me to a local mental health unit, I still battle my depression it doesn’t just go away, I hope that any one who feels like this gets the help they need.

If you know someone with depression don’t give up on them, the smallest action can be such a huge thing, if my friend hadn’t stopped by that day I wouldn’t be writing this now.