Can I get a private post please xx Il try to keep it short as possible So me a…

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Can I get a private post please xx

Il try to keep it short as possible
So me and my partner have been together nearly 5 years I’m now 21 he’s 22 I fell pregnant with our first 6 months after we got together than he went out all the time lied where he was going and who with left me in really sick with the pregnancy on my own
We sorted it was up and down since
We got married a year later and 3 months after we planned another baby I fell pregnant and 6 weeks after he walked out
Slept with someone else went out had nothing to do with me or our daughter and I had to take him contact centre so he see her after he kept blowing her out
A month before our 2nd baby was due we started talking (I text first)
We have been very up and down since
He gos mad if I go out
He’s always checking my phone
He don’t Evan trust me to go for a fag without him wondering where I am or what I’m doing
I’ve never gave him any reason not to trust me
He’s nasty selfish childish and unbelievably rude
He’s rubbish with the kids as he can’t be bother to do anything and he just falls asleep Most days
Yet we have these very rare but amazing family days that makes me want to make it work
But there’s only so much I feel I can take

I’m just scared of doing it on my own there 3 and 1 years old
I’m worried I won’t be able to like when there Ill 😷
Or when he’s living the free life il get bitter Evan though I wouldn’t change my kids for the world I’m worried il get jealous because I have absolutely no one to have my kids so my life will be completely cut off where at the minute I do sometimes go out as he’ll have them if I’ve got them to bed ect before I go

Question is what do I do!
I don’t want to be forever on my own but being with him will stop me from being happy with someone else in the future

I’m so confused 😞 xxx
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