Dear Mr.Wicks

Dear Mr Wicks,

I appreciate everything you are trying to do with your ‘P.E. with Joe’ lessons every morning, but I do have some constructive criticism, if you wouldn’t mind taking it on board for future lessons:

  1. Stop pretending your target audience is the kids. I know this is meant to be in lieu of the P.E. lessons they would ordinarily be having at school, but most of them gave up on Monday (I know ours did), so the sooner you realise your audience is mostly made up of flabby middle-aged folk like me, who are only taking part because it is a welcome distraction from their own children / trying to work from home / watching daytime TV while eating biscuits by the packet, the better.
  2. With that in mind, I have some recommendations for those of us who are badly out of shape and unaccustomed to fitness work-outs. While I suspect the women taking part have had the good sense to put on a sports bra each morning, a reminder for the men to perhaps wear something ‘secure’ downstairs wouldn’t go amiss. I mistakenly took part in my loose fitting pyjama shorts this morning, and to say my junk was behaving erratically would be an understatement (especially during the ‘bunny hops’, where I honestly thought my wife was going to be sick in her mouth).
  3. A similar warning for those of us over six foot tall would also be welcome. It’s all well and good getting us to ‘jump up and reach for the stars’, but I very nearly punched an LED spotlight clean off our ceiling this morning, and those fuckers aren’t cheap.
  4. Equally, if you do acknowledge that most of us are not children, I suspect the ‘bunny hops’ and ‘kangaroo jumps’ may cease anyway, but, if they do continue, please warn us to do little jumps, as I alternated this morning between hitting my head on the ceiling, and sending my colossal weight crashing through the living room floorboards each time I landed.
  5. That said, I quite liked the Spiderman moves (even though I couldn’t get my knee all the way to the floor, so I looked less like Spiderman, and more like a geriatric pensioner bowling), but please bear in mind that advising us to jump up and bounce off the wall to our right only works if we actually have a wall next to us. I had an open door and, in the heat of the moment, I damn near went down the fucking stairs.

Other than that, keep up the good work, and I’m sorry for calling you a ‘sadistic cockney bellend’ half way through the workout.


MR x


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