I need some advice… I have a 6 week old baby and my partner has a 6 year old f…
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I need some advice…
I have a 6 week old baby and my partner has a 6 year old from a previous one night stand… I was fine about the whole “step parent” thing until just recently and I’m not quite sure what I can do about it but since I’ve had the baby it seems my partners daughter resents me, she doesn’t listen to a word I say when I’m looking after her (partner works) and will purposely do things I ask her not do… she will purposely wake the baby, at night when I settle the baby his daughter will start singing at the top of her voice or banging the doors, stamping on the mantle piece etc. This goes on till sometimes 11pm at night, I send her to bed and she trashed the room, jumps on the bed, breaks things. In a morning as soon as his daughter wakes up she comes into our room squeaking the door open and shut or taking the baby’s blankets off her to wake her up.
I understand she will be jealous but her dad gives her one to one time every time she comes even if sometimes it’s just them going to the park we always make sure she isn’t pushed out so if the baby gets something new so does she… she’s also started not wiping when she’s going to the toilet and then sitting on her bed, the sofa or our bed without underwear on. We cracked the whole wiping, flushing, washing your hands malarkey just before I gave birth but it’s gone backwards again now and I’m coming to the end of my tether. I’ve recently been told I have mild postnatal depression and it’s getting to me how annoyed I am getting with her, I love her like my own but I’m not her mum and I don’t know how to go about dealing with this.
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Please could you reply…
I have tried to include her and getting her to help but she doesn’t want to, I’ve tried playing games with her once the baby’s settled but she doesn’t want to, she isn’t as bad when her dad’s here because he tells her off and she listens. If I tell her off she stares at me whilst doing the thing I’ve just asked her not to do. I’ve got her a doll set with cot and everything and she’s got clothes in her drawers for her “baby” I’m struggling. I don’t want to keep having to tell her off because I don’t want to keep our good relationship but the same time I don’t want her to take the piss, she is very clever and knows how to play me and her dad off when it comes to bedtimes, eating etc. For example, I told her she wasn’t allowed to go to the park after tea for biting (she drew blood biting my brother) and as soon as her dad comes home she asked him if she could so he took her. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he says I’m jealous of her, I’m genuinely just trying to get both kids into a routine but I feel like I’m doing it all on my own I’m 19 and I’m trying my hardest to be a good mum and step mum but I really don’t know what else to do anymore I’m seriously at the point where I dread him going to work and me having them both together
Cudnt agree more…. this baby has come and taken all the attention away from her. My son was the same, even tho i asked if he wanted help and always refused now hes the best big brother ever. She just needs reasurence and extra cuggles xx
Maybe ask her to be your helper. Tell her that looking after a baby is really hard work and you need her help. If you make her feel helpful and included it might turn things around. Also by helping she will learn about her new sibling and be more mindful of their needs. Sending hugs xx
It sounds as though she’s feeling left out with the baby. As Jennie said, ask her to help with the baby even if shes just fetching wipes and nappies or bibs for feeds etc. If bottle feeding you could get her to hold the bottle whilst burping or set her up on the sofa with enough support to feed baby the last of the bottle x
Have a womanly chat with her. Tell her you need help with the baby on jobs only. A big sister is able to do. If he has a baby doll ask her if she’d like matching mummy stuff. Changing bag, a matching outfit etc. It’s gonna be hard on her of course Because she’s gonna feel like the baby isn’t a proper sibling.(mummyanddaddys) Not being nasty but hope you know what I mean
Q